The 7 C’s You Need if You Want to Find Mr. Right

These are the traits that can lead to long-term love later in life.

Elena Bowes

Women of any age can make bad choices when it comes to love. I know. I did. I was married for 18 years to my college sweetheart, then had a seven-year relationship with a man who called himself Dave the Wave, based on his Los Angeles roots (I should have known better, especially after I saw him surf). And, I dated several frogs in between. I feel like I became an expert in a skill I never wanted to master: How to choose Mr. Wrong.

Sixty percent of second marriages and nearly 75 percent of third marriages end in divorce, according to a 2024 report “Revealing Divorce Statistics” published by Forbes Advisor. This, when the number of octogenarians and older is expected to triple between 2020 and 2050 to reach 426 million, cites the World Health Organization.

So, it’s vital to be picky when choosing that second or third life partner because that union could last a long, long time.

Ten years ago, I dipped my toe into the dating pool once again and met a tall man I nicknamed “Stretch." He ticked all the boxes I should have been looking for all along.

As someone who has learned from past toxic relationships, here are my tips — The Seven C’s — on finding everlasting love … at any age:

Clarity:

Clarify what you want. No one is perfect but I think it’s helpful to write down a list of what you’re looking for and what you don’t want before you start dating. It can clear the mind and help filter out bad choices. And, definitely use this as a guidepost as you dive into the dating scene.

Chemistry:

A decade ago, I met Stretch on a blind date on a chilly winter’s night in New York City. The moment I laid eyes on Stretch, I was interested. At the end of our date, I wanted him to kiss me. I got a polite peck on both cheeks, then he seemed to reconsider, and I got another peck on my lips, like a butterfly fluttering past. I wanted more but would have to wait.

Past dates, I wanted the opposite … to run.

Before meeting Stretch, I met plenty of men who were nice enough, looked good on paper, but there were no sparks. Stretch and I had immediate chemistry, and I think that’s important. And by chemistry, I mean in the bedroom, too. For me, sex matters. It’s a way of bringing us close, a language that only we share.

Commitment:

I think recommendations from friends are a great way to go. Chances are they will find you people who are ready to settle down or they will warn you otherwise. Stretch and I met through a friend from high school. I trusted this friend. He told me Stretch was “an excellent guy."

Dave the Wave hadn’t gotten over his ex. He never wanted to take our relationship further. So, I knew the next contender needed to want a serious relationship, a real partnership. No games.

Stretch was there from the beginning. After a year of a whirlwind romance, he asked me if I’d consider moving from London to his hometown of New York. After dating for two years, he suggested we live together and two years later he proposed.

Curiosity:

At 62, Stretch and I are both older and wiser. We are entering a different phase of life where our combined six children are mostly launched. I needed a husband who was not only fun, but also self-reliant, not needy. This is a man who is good company but also happy in his own company.

Stretch is a doer who delves into new work projects, an ambitious exercise regimen, mentoring his children, playing golf, going to a monthly book club. He is always engaged in life, and on the go. But he’s there when I need him.

Compatibility:

While Stretch and I are very different, we have similar values and like to do a lot of the same things. He always tells me that I’ve broadened his world, while he’s grounded mine. Even better, we laugh at each other’s jokes.

I have a weakness for good looking men. When I first met Stretch, I thought he looked like the late actor Christopher Reeve. Then, I worried, was he maybe too good looking? My last boyfriend couldn’t pass a mirror without a glance. Vanity was a no-go. Luckily, Stretch isn’t vain.

We are active people who like to be in nature. We love to see family and friends, but we also cherish our alone time … opening a bottle of wine, turning on music and cooking dinner on a Saturday night. We like to play bridge together. Sharing hobbies enhances our relationship.

Compatibility also means that when your partner has children, you are willing to make them feel a part of your life. Stretch is not only an excellent parent to his three boys, but very thoughtful with my three kids, like suggesting interesting places we all could visit together.

Communication:

Stretch can be stubborn, and will press home his view of points that trigger disagreement. And I can be rude. When I snap at him, he’ll reply with one word — “Tone" — and I deliver my message in a less aggressive way. And, while I would love someone who was more of a handyman around the house, and he would love someone who was more Julia Child than Lucille Ball in the kitchen, we laugh about our shortcomings that are not important in the long run.

We’ve both been through traumatic divorces and want to make this work. We want to get to yes. When there are differences, which is inevitable, good communication is important. Stretch is a proponent of expressing ourselves early and often, rather than bottling things up.

Compromise:

Stretch and I tolerate each other’s flaws. And if we can’t reach a compromise we talk to a couples’ counselor. I’m a big advocate of using outside help when you get stuck. A counselor helps each person see the other side and prevents disagreements from spiraling out of control.

We are also careful not to fight dirty which can leave scars. We want to mend bridges versus break them. We already did that in our first marriages. We work towards a compromise.

At this age, I’ve become an ace chooser, and found the seven C's with Stretch. Looking ahead, I know I can trust him to be there for me. He’s very loyal to his friends and family. We’re not getting any younger, and I found someone who will be there for me, in sickness and in health.

Have any of you found love later in life? Let us know in the comments below.